The feminists took me as a role model, as a mother. It bothers me. I am not interested in being a mother. I am still a girl trying to understand myself.
Watercolor sketch during figure drawing class. Kate Barsotti - 2016, all rights reserved.
When you draw, you suddenly see what you’re afraid ofWhen I draw, it means that something is troubling me, but I don’t know what. So it’s a way of treating anxiety. It’s the transfer of worry to fear. It’s the conversion, for example, of the fear of danger that I experienced at dinner. It was dangerous for me not to understand what people were saying because they were smarter than me. Anxiety is undefined, but when you draw, you suddenly see what you’re afraid of. It’s a conversion. This is very important. Drawings help me identify and define a worry, and then transform it at least into a fear. When you’re afraid, you can do something about it.Drawings aren’t illustrations; they’re a transformationWhen you feel anxiety, you can’t do anything because you don’t know where it is. This is where drawings come in. Drawings aren’t illustrations; they’re a transformation. To make an illustration, you have a subject that you’re drawing. The subject comes first, and then the illustration. At school, they tell you to draw, say, a doll. So you draw the doll. And if the doll is broken, you try to represent a doll that is broken. But in conversion, it’s the opposite: you feel deep down that you yourself are a broken doll. This puts you in a state of tremendous anxiety. If you’re missing a leg and you have to go get milk, you’re anxious. So conversion is the opposite, because you first feel that something is wrong with your leg. You don’t see the doll; you don’t see the leg. You just know that you’re afraid to cross the street. Then the time comes to cross the street—NOW—and you wonder why you’re afraid. So the drawing becomes the realization of an existing fear.